My First 'Aha' Moment

I was standing outside my parent's door late one evening. I would have been around two or three, and I was doing what a lot of young kids do -delaying my bedtime by making a request for something. I don't remember what my exact request was going to be, and I didn't get any words out. Instead, I was stunned by an unexpected sight. I was peeking through the crack at the back of the door, which gave me a view of my father's side of the bed. To my surprise, he was not dressed. As I watched, he stood up and walked into their bathroom.

My worldview was shaken in that short moment. Suddenly I understood why my mom kept insisting that I was a girl like her, and not a boy like my father. He had a piece of anatomy that I was previously unaware of. A piece of anatomy that I did't have.

Before that moment, I was under the assumption that all human bodies were the same, and gender was more a basis of 'personality' -if that is the right word to describe how I perceived gender as a small child. The only people I had seen naked before was my mom and my younger sister, and our bodies all looked the same in general.  Since I was clearly different from them (at least in my mind), I identified with my father gender-wise.

I quickly went back to my room, and lay in the dark pondering this new revelation. The main emotions I remember experiencing were disappointment and sorrow. I didn't want my mom to be right on this matter. I didn't feel like a girl.